A true story

When I was about seven or eight years old (I'm not sure which) I
got my first "girlfriend". We locked eyes across the classroom and
I asked her "Yes or No?" (I think I sent her a little piece of
paper) She answered: Yes. That same day, during the break period,
we stayed behind in the classroom. Alone, we embraced and we
"kissed". Not really kissed, more like we touched our opened mouth
lips and moved our heads about like we saw in the movies and on TV.
Thinking back on it, it felt like biting into an air filled
puffed-up pastry. I knew at that moment I would forever be a lady
killer, a bona-fide stud. I could not foresee that this little
hussy would tell me the next day that she had a new beau.

Felix was a chubby kid with round head full of curly hair who was
just about my size. With my honor threatened by this injustice, I
resolved that I could not allow this travesty to take place. I
would fight for my honor and so, I called Felix out. What happened
next may have had a greater impact in my life than I am willing to
admit. It just so happens that it was the first time I knew fear.
You see, instead of running or trying to get out of the fight or
better yet, cower in anticipation of a well deserved beating like a
normal seven or eight year old, Felix squared up with judo-chop
hands and started to hum -- no, not hum, loudly sing "his" very own
action movie-like soundtrack complete with percussion and a horn
section. At age seven or eight, I just didn't have the cojones to
fight anyone with his own theme music.

I ran away.

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